I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
