I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
