I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
