we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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