i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
