I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I am mentally ready for anal.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
