i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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