She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
