You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
