Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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