Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
