Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
