Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
