I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You work out of a Hotel?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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