sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
