her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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