Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
