At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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