question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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