you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
