Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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