Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
