New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
