you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
