1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
