you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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