yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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