we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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