Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
