we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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