Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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