a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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