were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
