Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Still dying that you shit outside
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize