i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
