He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize