I'm so fucking centered right now
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
