Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
