I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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