I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
