I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
