I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
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