we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
