Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
