the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
