i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
we made out on top of his cat.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
my poor anus
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
