so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
