and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I touched a dick in church today
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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