Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
