In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
