I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
