We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
