Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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