I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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