he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
