I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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