We're like a lot better than the average bears
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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