he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
