I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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