my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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