I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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