Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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