If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize