For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
