I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
