Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
