LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
