Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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