the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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